The first Blonde Guy Joke

The first blonde guy joke?

 

 

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait!

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. 

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.' 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too' 

The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too..' 

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. 

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. 


The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. 

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!' 

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.' 


(Oh this is GOOD!!)

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'  

 

men's weight loss or jenny craig for men..


JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program..

 
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.


She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up..


The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.


On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.


The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

 
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

 
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program
 
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone... 'This is our most rigorous program.'

'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'


The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'


He lost 63 pounds that week.

Choosing a Spouse

A man was to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.


The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed....


The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.


Obviously, the man was impressed.


The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.



Then he married the one with the biggest tits.


Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research... This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

 

The CEO Of Hooters Is Shocked, Shocked! To Find Disrespectful Behavior At His Restaurants - Hooters undercover boss - Jezebel

The CEO Of Hooters Is Shocked, Shocked! To Find Disrespectful Behavior At His Restaurants

Hooters CEO Coby Brooks' turn on Undercover Boss: "There are lines you don't cross." Good to know at a company whose female employees have to sign their assent to "joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal." [Mediaite]


Send an email to Irin Carmon, the author of this post, at irin@jezebel.com.

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I do not understand the appeal of this place. The wings are terrible! I went there once when I was with three other people who wanted wings (I don't really like them - too much work for too little payoff) and it was the closest place. I had a salad. It sucked. How do you eff up a freaking salad? My friends agreed the wings were overpriced and meh and none of us has been back since.

Is it really worth the effort to eat bad food just for the opportunity to ogle women? I am baffled. Reply


Frankly, I thought people would be more concerned about the segment dealing with the restaurant manager who was a former waitress. She seemed to be doing a great job handling all her responsibilities, and had a good rapport with her staff -- so you'd think the lesson would be that they should promote more "Hooters girls" to management positions. But at the same time, the CEO seemed concerned that she was "tired" and "stressed," and got her to admit that as a single mother she wished she could spend more time with her kids.

In the end, the company (or the TV show) gave her family a free vacation, which she seemed very excited about... and then we learned she was also gifted with a "less stressful" position at the company. We never learned whether that new position was actually a demotion, or how she felt about it. But the upshot seemed to be that women, and especially single mothers, shouldn't take on "stressful" work, even when they're really good at it. Reply


As a Jezebel reader who actually works at Hooters, I'm slightly offended at the lack of respect in many of these comments. Some of these women (like me) are working just to get through school and, in this recession, are just lucky to have found a job at all. This show has given a very narrow perspective of how it is to work at these establishments. Our managers treat us like people (not just a representative of the Hooter girl image), and if any guest treats us in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable (including such comments with "innuendo"), we let our managers know and the guests are asked to leave. And as far as being "safer in a strip club," I find that incredibly offensive, and I'm shocked at the narrow-mindedness that has been displayed on this comment-board. Reply
Dorilys approved this comment

Many years ago my boyfriend and I were running along the coast, he was wearing a Hooters t-shirt that he had got from one of his business trips to Dallas.

We passed a group of 16 year old boys who hollered at him, "Nice shirt".

I turned to him and said, "So, your peer group likes your shirt!"

He never wore that shirt again.

He got it. He did not want to be a member of a group that included those 16 year old boys.

He also told me about all the "Gentleman's Clubs" in Dallas, aka Titty Bars that business men take their clients to. Reply

labeled: CRAZY AUNT KANYE promoted this comment

Wow--I just read a news article today about a former Hooters employee stalked and murdered by one of her customers who had a pattern of harrassing her at her job there. Sad.
[www.aolnews.com] Reply
onestrawplz promoted this comment

I like the fact that they put that in the contract. It gets it out up front what the story is in that restaurant, and then as a potential employee you can take it or leave it. This is if you didn't already realise that by working at a place called Hooters you were trading in on the appeal of your breasts.

If you can't take being put on show or being mildly harassed, the place is definitely not for you. (And I couldn't and wouldn't do it, nor would many of us.) But adults have free will, and some choose to sign the contract. So I find it hard to pick holes at them. I'd never go there though, I find the whole thing uncomfortable and tacky. Lots of people don't, though. Reply


I just read the handbook linked at the Smoking Gun, and wow. Aside from agreeing to be sexually harassed, these poor women have to wear suntan pantyhose. No woman would inflict that on another woman.

I went to Hooters when I worked at a company filled with 24-35 year old men. We had lunch meetings there. This is why I now work for myself. I always left a big tip to make up for what assholes my colleagues became after a few beers. Reply


As much as I wish that the President of Hooters had done more to the pig, at least he was repulsed by the behavior in the first place. What if he weren't? Reply
Hermione Danger (aka ucelluccia) promoted this comment

I think this local news story is relevant here. I haven't decided if I agree with this writer's conclusions.
[www.orlandosentinel.com] Reply


Purely from a business perspective, this mode of operations is dumb. Hooters is one moral panic away from being unacceptable. If I were the CEO I would enforce the strictest regulations possible to keep the front room behavior out of the back room, and to keep the front room within the bounds of what the hypocritical American public deems acceptable. Reply
la.donna.pietra promoted this comment

I have always loved this picture. I love that the Hooters girls are offering the protesters drinks. Reply
EdnasEdibles promoted this comment

I wonder how much of this show is real. VH1 and Bravo has sort of made me assume all reality TV is about as real as professional wrestling. Does Jimbo really run a Hooters? Was making hot girls do degrading things while being filmed something CBS thought up? There's no way any CEO would allow a show like this to be an expose. Reply
SarahMC promoted this comment
Edited by michaeltequila at 02/15/10 7:17 PM

I'm opening a restaurant called "Nuts," where I can sexually harass my male employees, AND make them wear ungodly orange tights. Oh, and we'll sell nuts...GET IT!? harharhar...ohemgee I'm so clever. Investors? Anyone? Reply
Gretchen now has TWO kittens promoted this comment

Do you think Richard Simmons knows that Brooks copped his look for the uniforms? Reply


Laughable. Mr. Coby, you crossed that line years ago when you decided to market your restaurant on scantily clad women, and jokes about breasts.

Don't insult us with your faux "concern." Reply


I was so disappointed by this episode. He made a man who grossly harassed the waitresses simply promise to apologize, and decided to change the public perception of his restaurants, rather than change the restaurant itself. Way to step up, buddy. Reply
Gretchen now has TWO kittens promoted this comment

If your daughter tells you she wants to work in a high-end strip club or she wants to work at Hooters, she will probably be safer in the strip club. Reply
la.donna.pietra promoted this comment

The episode of "Undercover Boss" was a shitshow. How Jimbob, or whatever his name was, didn't get fired is beyond me. Reply


You would think they would treat the waitresses better considering "Hooters" can't exist without them. Reply


The woman with the sign is giving some major stink-eye. Reply
bonita applebum promoted this comment

True story, the only time I ate at a hooters was in grade school, on a field trip, with a Christian Brother and a Catholic priest, both of whom were in clerical garb. The students were all wearing various jesus-friendly shirts.

It was the only sit-down restaurant within walking distance of our broke-down bus.

You have not lived unitl you've heard a 60-something Irish Catholic priest ask a Hooters waitress "Why don't they let you wear pants in here young lady? Don't you get cold?"

Wings were pretty good though. Reply

Sanfo promoted this comment

There was a fantastic South Park about Hooters that summed up it's wait staff quite nicely. Reply
ClockOnTheStove promoted this comment

Those women are a very strange colour.... Reply
Jack_Burton promoted this comment

via jezebel.com

Via Michelle Miller :o) http://ff.im/g9XIN

Tiger Woods Apologizes For 'Irresponsible, Selfish Behavior'


 NPR BREAKING NEWS:

Tiger Woods: 'I Am Truly Sorry'

Woods has made his first public statement three months. He would not put any date on his return to professional golf. He said he, "would not rule out" a return this year.

More at NPR.org:
http://n.npr.org/NPRI/jN78939474_318608_318607_Z.htm

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Copyright 2010 NPR


Little Johnny

The absolute best Little Johnnie joke 2010

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.
 Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
 
Image


 When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
 
 His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
 

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.  

   

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."  
 

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.  

   
 
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
 
 "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
 

"That's great", said Little Johnnie," 'cause he'd be really fucked if he needed to wear glasses".        
 
 
 

Ever want to take a look inside Google???? - looks like a cool place...

I  should apply for a job there... 

Ever want to take a look inside Google???


Image0011

Image0022


Google Solar Array Mountain View, California

Today, Google employs 20,223 people around the world, receiving a resume every 25 seconds from eager job-seekers, hiring an average of nine new employees a day.

A full-size replica of Virgin Atlantic 's Spaceship One (space tourist vehicle) hangs in the reception area.

Image0033


Exercise

Image0044


To work off the pounds, and the stress . . .

Google has its own state-of-the-art gym . . . offering weight-training and a host of exercise machines, rowing machines, lockers and shower rooms, and two swim-in-place wave pools.

Image0055


Other perks include free haircuts, dry cleaning and laundry, child care, car services, chiropractors and five onsite doctors available for employee check-ups; all free of charge.

Perhaps the most unusual bonus of all... employees can bring their dogs to work with them and keep the four-legged canine in their offices.

Image0066


We already know that working for Google has certain advantages, but, believe me, this giant of a search engine takes the welfare of its employees seriously as shown by this decompression (stress) capsule that is impermeable to sound and light....

Image0077

Stress capsule

Moving around the complex:

Image0088


A slide allows quick access from different floors...

There are also poles available....they are similar to the ones used in fire stations.

Image0099


Food

Image01010


Employees can eat all they want for free from a vast choice of food and drink, whipped up by in-house chefs.

Image01111


Typical Google Lunch

Image01212


Cookie set-up

Image01313


Work Station:

Image01414


Each employee has at least two large screens.

There are 4-6 'Zooglers' per office.

Image01515


Innovation:

Image01616


Large boards are available just about everywhere because 'ideas don't always come when seated in the office'says one of Google's managers.

Image01717


Leisure.

Image01818


Pool tables, video games, etc. are available in many areas.

Image01919

Communication.

Image02020


On each floor, there are private cabin areas where employees attend to personal affairs.

Image02121


Tech Stop

Image02222


Having trouble with your computer? No problem...

Bring it to this area where drinks are available while it is being fixed...
Image02323


Health:

Professional massage therapists are available.
Image02424


Rest ....

Image02525


View relaxing aquariums on massage chairs that you control ...

Ambiance.

Image02626


There are many books in this library...even some about programming!

Image02727

Image02828

I would LOVE time out in this room!!

Image02929

 

 

1960

It's the summer of 1960 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Mary Sue. 
 

Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. 

When he goes to the front door, Mary Sue's mother answers and invites him in.   "Mary Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" she says.    That's cool.   Mary Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do. 

Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop, or to a drive-in movie. 

Mary Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw?   I  hear  all the kids are doing it." 

 Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says  "Wha...aaat?" 

"Yeah," says Mary Sue's mother, "We know Mary Sue really likes to screw;   why, she'd screw all night if we let her!" 

Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear.   Immediately, he  has  revised the plans for the evening.   A few minutes later, Mary Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and  announces  that she's ready to go. 

Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink  for  Harold. 

 About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Mary Sue rushes back into  the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother: 

"Dammit, Mom!  The Twist!  The Twist!  It's called The Twist!" 

(download)
  

12331
 

 

  

Enjoy, & Hugs.

  

  

 WANNA DANCE? I Had to send this one!....

  

Turn up Sound!

  

  

Three_ladies_boogying22442
                  [[posterous-content:nDUk6OLEHXygXyK83YEU]]

  

 

  

FEEL LIKE DANCING?

Super_heros_dancing44664
    
Snoopy_dancing55775
           
Dancing_penguin66886
 

  

Turn on your speakers...

  

Image00222222377997

  

And scroll down

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

 

Image0033333348810108

 

 

Let's get in shape!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS !

Kitty-hoola-hoop19911119

 

Turn up the volume and keep scrolling.....

but don't let that be the only exercise you get today!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

 

Ready yet?  Let's dance !

Yeah baby!

Image0044444451010121210

 

Get down...

Cat_playing_piano1111131311

 

How many times 

did you dance to this song????

Dancing_bear1212141412

Are you ready for a line dance?

Dancing_smilys1313151513

Stay young !

Who didn't dance to this great song???,

 

Image0066666671414161614

 

Let go and just do it!

 

Image0077777781515171715

 

Don't ever stop!

Cat_hanging_on_fan1616181816

Bye-bye-friends

Image0088888891717191917

xxoxoxoxoxx

Image00999999101818202018

Have a good week end, and an even better week .

And if you're not having

a real good day... 

just play this again!!!

Joy122020222220
 
Dancew111919212119
Chapli12121232321

  
 

 

 

 

 

 

 






 

THE POTTY (omg lol;-)


Image
Absolutely adorable!!
 
It is so unusual to get a mildly funny, but non political, non sexist, non racist, and non doomsday message. Wanted to make your day, too, by sending it along! We can even share this one with young grandchildren!

                                                     
THE POTTY
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEATWITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE..
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES.BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
Image

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP.

reunions


A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.