APOD: 2010 January 11 - The Astronaut Who Captured a Satellite

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The Astronaut Who Captured a Satellite 
Credit: STS-51A, NASA

Explanation: In 1984, high above the Earth's surface, an astronaut captured a satellite. It was the second satellite captured that mission. Pictured above, astronaut Dale A. Gardner flies free using the Manned Maneuvering Unit and begins to attach a control device dubbed the Stinger to the rotating Westar 6 satellite. Communications satellite Westar 6 had suffered a rocket malfunction that left it unable to reach its intended high geosynchronous orbit. Both the previously caught Palapa B-2 satellite and the Westar 6 satellite were guided into the cargo bay of the Space Shuttle Discovery and returned to Earth. Westar 6was subsequently refurbished and sold.

NASA: Water Found In Moon Crater


NPR BREAKING NEWS:

NASA: Water Found In Moon Crater

NASA says a probe that purposely slammed into a crater on the moon has turned up evidence of water.  Over the last decade, scientists have found some hints of underground ice on the moon's poles, but this is the best evidence yet.


More at NPR.org:
http://n.npr.org/NPRI/jN57604570_211965_211964_Z.htm

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Copyright 2009 NPR

Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT
 


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

 

REPUBLICAN
 


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
 
 

SOCIALIST
 


You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
 
 

COMMUNIST
 


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
 
 

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
 


You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
 
 

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
 


You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
 
 

AMERICAN CORPORATION
 


You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
 
 

FRENCH CORPORATION
 


You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows..
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
 
 

JAPANESE CORPORATION
 


You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
 
 

GERMAN CORPORATION
 


You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
 
 

ITALIAN CORPORATION
 


You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

 

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
 


You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have..

 

TALIBAN CORPORATION
 


You have all the cows in  Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
 
 

IRAQI CORPORATION
 


You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing..

 


POLISH CORPORATION
 


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

 

BELGIAN CORPORATION
 


You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

 

FLORIDA CORPORATION
 


You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

 

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
 


You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

 

Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers - One 

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" 
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,​minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want'." 
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway." 

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Understanding Engineers - Two 

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 

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Understanding Engineers - Three 

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." 
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" 
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." 
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." 
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist​ colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" 

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Understanding Engineers - Four 

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets. 

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Understanding Engineers - Five 

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" 
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" 
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" 

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Understanding Engineers - Six 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." 
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 

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Understanding Engineers - Seven 

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 

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Understanding Engineers - Eight 

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." 
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." 
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" 
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

THREE QUESTIONS FROM A NEWBIE ENGINEER


 

 QUESTION #1:

How much does a house weigh?


QUESTION #2:

How much weight can a rural two-lane bridge hold?

QUESTION #3

Would this be covered by homeowner's insurance, automobile insurance ...
or does it qualify for roadside assistance?


(download)

Funny stuff

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY...

 

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE  TEQUILA, FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET  ORGANIZATION.

3. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF  GOD?

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO  JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I  WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE  PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL  QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS  MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11.   WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

12. WHAT  DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A  SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE  HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING  BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

20. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

21. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

22. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

23. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

24. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH  HAVE YOU DONE?

25. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD LISP TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

26. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED HEMORRHOIDS  INSTEAD OF ASTEROIDS?

27. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

28. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON  SOUR CREAM?

29. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?