I took my mother-in-law
I thought you might get a chuckle or 2 from these "little bits of
wisdom".
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the
airport.
* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the
estimate.
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back. " Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought
here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.
* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
* There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In
Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates
from medical school.
* Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
* Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
* A man called his mother in Florida :
"Mom, how are you?"
" Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak.."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten
in 38days."
The son said, "That's terrible.
Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with
food if you should call."
* A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part
in the play. She asks,
"What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a
speaking part."
* Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the
street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.
* Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
* Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that Isn't 20% off.
